August...just under 6 month's since Sadie's diagnosis. I've noticed some changes in her over the last couple of days. Loss of appetite. heavier panting, acting like she is thirsty but not drinking, and tonight, I honestly think her belly is just a bit more full looking. All signs that "not-so-good" things are happening. I mentioned these concerns to Steve today, and of course Samuel overheard. Mr Big Ears himself. Steve dismissed my concerns, and actually said he thinks I am looking for things to be wrong with her. What could be worse? She is dying of Cancer, hello! I think it is because I spend more time with her, I can see changes, where as if I didn't tell Steve I got a haircut today, he would have never noticed.
Sam cried on the way to bed tonight. He is sad, and worried about Sadie. I brought him back down, and we had a small chat. I told him that we do know that someday, Sadie is going to die. We know it is coming, and it's ok to be sad, it's ok to worry. We just can't let this worry overtake us. We can't go to bed everynight worried that Sadie is going to die. We need to love her everyday, as if we may not see her tomorrow, and if we do, then lucky us! Everyday is a gift. Sam cried some more, then wiped his tears, kissed his dog, and went to bed. I didn't shed a tear. I felt bad afterwards, because I don't want Sam to think that I don't care. I just feel very detached, I am coping by being strong for my kids. If I am a wreck, then they will be. Do you tell your kids you love them everyday? DO y ou tell your family pet? I do. I came up to bed just a few minutes ago, and noticed that Sadie was laying on the bare floor at the foot of my bed, so I went to the dryer and got her freshly laundered bed out, and spread it out for her. It took her a minute, but she got up so she could move over and lay on it. I bent down, looked her right in the face and said," I wish you could tell me if it's time". She leaned into me, and nuzzled the side of my face. Now I cry.
Sam cried on the way to bed tonight. He is sad, and worried about Sadie. I brought him back down, and we had a small chat. I told him that we do know that someday, Sadie is going to die. We know it is coming, and it's ok to be sad, it's ok to worry. We just can't let this worry overtake us. We can't go to bed everynight worried that Sadie is going to die. We need to love her everyday, as if we may not see her tomorrow, and if we do, then lucky us! Everyday is a gift. Sam cried some more, then wiped his tears, kissed his dog, and went to bed. I didn't shed a tear. I felt bad afterwards, because I don't want Sam to think that I don't care. I just feel very detached, I am coping by being strong for my kids. If I am a wreck, then they will be. Do you tell your kids you love them everyday? DO y ou tell your family pet? I do. I came up to bed just a few minutes ago, and noticed that Sadie was laying on the bare floor at the foot of my bed, so I went to the dryer and got her freshly laundered bed out, and spread it out for her. It took her a minute, but she got up so she could move over and lay on it. I bent down, looked her right in the face and said," I wish you could tell me if it's time". She leaned into me, and nuzzled the side of my face. Now I cry.
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