Quality of life...

Ultra sound done.  Overall, Sadie is doing good.  Her original tumors have grown slightly.  She has lost just a couple of pounds, but her overall healh is pretty good considering.  The vet says she thinks Sadie looks aged, she has grey'd a bit.  She is also looking pale to her - the reason for this, you will understand below.   There is a new, very large mass that without doing surgery, it is hard to tell the location - it is either ON/attached to the front of the spleen itself, or it is in the spleen - the size of it is overwhelming.  There is also a new Mass that appears to be another Visceral Hemangiosarcoma, by the appearance of it, the Dr believes that this mass is drawing blood from Sadie - hence the reason she is looking pale, by pale she means her gums are "faded", not as pink as they should be.  Without removing it, there is no way to tell.  There is a blood test that we could have had done, but again, unless we were doing surgery, there is not a reason for the testing. You may ask,  Why are we not doing surgery?  Many reasons.  First reason : Sadie is very old.  The likelihood that she would survive the surgery is not good.  Second reason : Life span after surgery for all of this cancer, is roughly 2-3 months.  Lastly : it's SO expensive.   We have decided to try a different medication for Sadie's incontinence, as well as a medication to help with her constant pooping problems.

So now what?  This is where difference of opinion between Steve and I, on what or how is Sadie's"quality of life". and our "quality of life".  This is where we struggle with the decision as to what is best for Sadie, and what is best for us.  I really can't get into where we are with it right now, because Steven and I are just not on the same page right now. 

Big Ultra Sound in the Morning!

I had the pleasure of babysitting my angelic nephew tonight, while he slept for two hours (hard work!), and his parents could slip away for a dinner out.  During this time, I sat with the TV on, but did a lot of thinking.  All the scenarios of how tomorrows ultra sound could go.  What the doctor could or couldn't have to tell us, and where we go on after tomorrow.  I got to feeling really guilty about how I have been lately.  Yes, I have been frustrated, yes, I am sick and tired of being the only person around here that can seem to clean up after our sick dog, yes, I feel resentment toward Sadie - A lot of it sometimes!  I know it's not her fault she is how she is.  I know - in my gut I know, just by looking at her over the last couple of days, that she does not want to be this way.  She just wants to be loved.  She just wants the same old attention she has gotten always. 

When I got home, I took Sadie's bed out of the dryer, (I have to wash it daily now), and I set it at the bottom of my bed.  I tried my hardest not to think about how most likely - no, most definitely , it will be soaked with urine in the morning.  So what.  At least my dog will sleep where she wants to tonight..  So what if she pees all over the place.  So what - it's not going to last forever!

With our crazy hectic lives, with school, and work, soccer, baseball, softball - we don't have time for a tragedy in our lives right now.  Don't you wish we had a say?  Don't you wish that was the way it worked?  "Nope , sorry doc, we need more time".. if it were only that easy. 

Till tomorrow, hold those you love close...think good thoughts, and keep us in your prayers.  (we need them!)

Sadie has a vet appointment ...

on Thursday at 9am, with HER vet, the one I like! :)

One Month and counting...

since my very last blog....I feel like every blog I read lately, the "Blogger" does nothing but apologize for not blogging more often.  I could do the same, but I won't.  My life is far to busy, and I can't bore you with the everyday things that happen.  I am still cleaning up dog pee all the time, so nothing has changed! :) 

Today is a frustrating day for me.  I finally didn't give Steve an option.  I told him we ARE taking Sadie back to the vet this week,  I'll do it myself if I have to.  He let me know his available days, only so I can call the vet and get the run around.  What is wrong with people, can they not look up a file while talking to you, and at least let you know they are acknowledging your call?  Yes, Sadie has been there before.  Yes, Sadie has had an ultrasound there before.  No, I do not want to be referred out, I am SUPPOSED to follow up with Dr. Chaves.  I am positive she does the U/S there...please, look in your damn file! Of course, I have to call Steve and tell him os such run-around, and his first thing out of his mouth. "Forget it, we'll take her someplace else!"..No, we won't.  I have them calling the Dr who treated Sadie, I don't care if she is "off", so she can tell them herself that she will see her again.  But now I wait for a call back.  I have zero patience.  I hate waiting!

Sadie gave the the look this morning.  The "I am so exhausted, and I don't feel good" look.  Much like a mother of her own children, I know my pup isn't feeling good.  It's in my gut. Steve doesn't believe me that there is such a thing.  I am pretty sure he thinks I look for these things.  At first I did. Every little thing made me think "this is it, she is done"..but as the weeks passed, I stopped looking.  I wasn't looking today, it was if she sough me out.  Met my eyes with her big sad eyes.   So now we wait, wait for the phone call back, and wait for an appointment!

Even after all these months of complaining, I am not ready to loose my pup! <3