At Odds....

I have spent the last few days realizing that what I call "the honeymoon" is over.   I have shed some tears, and finally felt like I could come here to "talk". Sadie was feeling great, eating every day, being a good patient and taking her medications, she has been up and moving like she doesn't have a pain in the world. The good days.  Over this past weekend I have seen some signs that tell me that she isn't at her best right now.  Loss of appetite, laziness, problems going to the bathroom, stiffness in her legs, outright spitting out her medication.  Like a defiant child really.  Then again, she has those moments where she is spunky and playing, like a pup again. 

I am coming to realize that Steve and I have very different views on how we are going to deal with things for Sadie.  I want to keep it real.  I want, no, I need to know what is happening, how she is doing, how her tumors are progressing, etc.  I need to prepare my children for the day that comes when Sadie isn't with us anymore.  Steve may get a little upset to know I am sharing this with "the public", but again, this is a way for me to "cope".   Steve doesn't want to admit that Sadie is sick.  He is in complete denial, and thinks that she is just as good as ever.  She's not!   We have argued about the next step, which is taking Sadie to the vet for another ultrasound, to measure her tumors and see if the growth is rapid or slow.  To see if there are any internal bleeds, etc.  I feel the need to know this.  Steve does not want to know.   Steve does not want me to make it seem like Sadie is on her death bed, nor does he want to admit that this just may be Sadie's last "birthday" with us.  We are at odds, and it sucks!  :(