Month 2

We are into our second month now, since Sadie's diagnosis.  Steve is feeling more and more hopeful.  Though I am happy for this time, I am also worried about false hope for my children.

Sadie has put on some weight it seems, just by the looks of her.  I am hoping that it is a good thing, and nothing more, or nothing new is going on inside of her.  One more reason I am trying to convince Steve that another ultra sound is indeed a good thing!

Spring is upon us, let's hope we can all get outside and enjoy it soon!

Be good to each other, and  your pups! :)

Must be doing something right!

Last night I overheard my girls when they were laying on the floor with Sadie, talking to her and saying the following : " Did you see home many people came to see you today, all those people love you!  They came to your party!"   Same exact thing I say to my kids after a celebration in their honor. "Everyone that was here LOVES you"! 

Thanks again for loving our pup! :)

Sadie had the Happiest of Birthday's!

Today was a reminder to me, when looking a death in the face, celebrate the time you have!  Don't dread what is to come, celebrate what you have NOW!   Make every last single moment you have with "someone"  - special!

Some of our closest friends and family attended the small birthday party we had for Sadie today, the best part was it was like Sadie knew she was the hostess.  She greeted almost every single guest at the door, with a smile and her party hat!

Thank you to everyone who attended today, and for all your love and support!

Here are some of my favorite photo's from the day!

Happy Birthday to Sadie!

I have to apologize for not posting a blog post in a short while.  I haven't been in the best of places mentally lately for any doggie news.  I have been dealing with dog pee, and food issues the last few weeks, and had I posted, it most likely would have been me complaining about it all. 

That said, today is Sadie's 10th Birthday!  The kids are very excited!  They have headed off to the pet store for a present and a special treat for Sadie as I sit here and type.  We have some good friends and family coming over for some food, drinks and cheer to celebrate this day! :) 

Thank you everyone for your continued support, and love.  Asking me how Sadie is, and how things are going at home, though it doesn't really seem like a lot, it's nice to know that people think of us, and care enough to ask!

So Happy Birthday to Sadie, let's hope we can continue to make her last days as happy as possible!

At Odds....

I have spent the last few days realizing that what I call "the honeymoon" is over.   I have shed some tears, and finally felt like I could come here to "talk". Sadie was feeling great, eating every day, being a good patient and taking her medications, she has been up and moving like she doesn't have a pain in the world. The good days.  Over this past weekend I have seen some signs that tell me that she isn't at her best right now.  Loss of appetite, laziness, problems going to the bathroom, stiffness in her legs, outright spitting out her medication.  Like a defiant child really.  Then again, she has those moments where she is spunky and playing, like a pup again. 

I am coming to realize that Steve and I have very different views on how we are going to deal with things for Sadie.  I want to keep it real.  I want, no, I need to know what is happening, how she is doing, how her tumors are progressing, etc.  I need to prepare my children for the day that comes when Sadie isn't with us anymore.  Steve may get a little upset to know I am sharing this with "the public", but again, this is a way for me to "cope".   Steve doesn't want to admit that Sadie is sick.  He is in complete denial, and thinks that she is just as good as ever.  She's not!   We have argued about the next step, which is taking Sadie to the vet for another ultrasound, to measure her tumors and see if the growth is rapid or slow.  To see if there are any internal bleeds, etc.  I feel the need to know this.  Steve does not want to know.   Steve does not want me to make it seem like Sadie is on her death bed, nor does he want to admit that this just may be Sadie's last "birthday" with us.  We are at odds, and it sucks!  :(

Thank you!

I have found myself feeling almost guilty in the last few days.  Dealing with the fact that Sadie is sick, and not going to get better, dealing with the fact that she is probably not going to live as long as we have hoped, has started to become easier for me to talk about.  I no longer break down into tears, I no longer find myself constantly thinking about it.  I feel bad for that. 

I wanted to thank the countless people who have inquired about Sadie, expressed their love, and who have just gone out of their way to let me know that you care about me, and my family.  It warms my heart in a way that you really do not know!

Next on our agenda - we are planning a party!  Sadie turns 10 on the 20th of this month, and what better way to celebrate our beautiful dog's life?  Have a party!  Parties help everything, they bring friends and families together to celebrate the past, present and future!  This will be a people only party, though nothing would delight my kids more than to have a bunch of dogs in party hats running around.  This will be a gathering of our closest friends and family, to help us deal with what is to come, and to celebrate the 10th year of life of our wonderful girl Sadie!  :) <3

"tummy , tummy, ru-ubs.."

This is the morning song of my children, "Tummy, tummy, ru-ubs, tummy, tummy ru-ubs.."   Sadie enjoys both the rubs, and the entertainment! <3

Ride the wave....

It's been a long week around here.  Almost a week since we found out about Sadie's tumors.  Only a week?  Yes - Really!  I have very mixed emotions lately. I feel like I get swept up in every day life - well, pretty much every day! I feel like I am riding this wave.  For example, last night after dinner.  We are sitting in the living room, (Me, Steve, Samuel, Isabella, Grace and Sadie).  Steve and Samuel start playing tug-of-war with Sadie, everyone is laughing, Sadie is playing..looking like a puppy, really.  We are all enjoying the time we have with her, but then I sit., and think, that wave comes crashing down on me.  I think about how we might not have many of these nights left.  Then I look at the kids, and even Steve, and know it's not the first thing on their mind.  At times, I feel like I need to remind them.  I want everyone here to go on with life, but at the same time, I don't want them to forget, even for a second, that every moment could be our last one - with Sadie.  I am letting you all into my head, because mostly, this is my way of dealing with this.  Letting you know how I feel, and at the same time, letting you know how Sadie is doing.  It's a way of coping really, because otherwise I know Steve doesn't want to sit down everyday and discuss this stuff.  For what it is worth, I AM coping, and I know Steve is in denial.  Perfectly ok - for right now. 

Part of me feels ridiculous for keeping this blog.  I mentioned to a few of my friends that I am sure people will get sick of reading.  . I'm really not trying to be a downer, I am not trying to make everything "all about my dog".  But part of my life right now, is "all about my dog".  If you can't understand that, then maybe you shouldn't be here, reading any of this.

Sadie seems to be doing very well.  I can see a difference in her since she has been put on her medication.   She has taken on almost a puppy look to me.  She has that sleek, shiny look to her again.  With the exception of her grey/white whiskers, she really looks like she did when she was younger.  She is becoming  more personable again, wants the attention, wants to play. This could change on any given day.  We have yet to have a "bad day" since Sadie's diagnosis.   I'll keep riding this wave, and take every good day that we can!
 <3



"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras