Weekend's end....

Two great days for Sadie!  What more could we ask for!  :) 

Routine changes....

This morning I was thinking about how I can't wait for the kids to go back to school in a few days.  Back in routine, so they aren't wondering everyday , "what's going to happen to Sadie today."..dare I say, back to the more important stuff, like schoolwork, social time with their friends?  I can say it, because that is important.  I am also so grateful that this week we have been home, and able to monitor Sadie, and just spend time with her.  In a couple of days though, the kids will be back to their regular routine, with just a little more worry on their mind.  My routine however, has changed a lot in the last week.  I wake everyday at 5:45 am, I usually lounge in bed for a few minutes, and then hop in the shower, go down, make coffee and watch some morning news before I wake the kids at 7am to get ready for school.  This week, I wake at 5:45 am, I notice whether Sadie has made it upstairs through the night, (which she hasn't yet again), and then I head down the stairs to check on her.  In those 4-5 seconds it takes me to go down, SO MUCH, minutes worth of thoughts, go through my head.  Something like, "Please God, let her be ok.  I am so glad I am up before the kids, because what if she is not ok.  What am I going to do if I go down these stairs, and I find Sadie not ok!  What if she is dead?"...my heart races, much like this morning, and then I find her, today, she is sleeping on the SOFA!  I would rather sleep on the sofa than the hardwood floor too.  A week ago, I would have yelled at her, and told her she knows she isn't supposed to be on the sofa, this morning, it was like this.."There you are!  I hope you are comfortable, even though you know you aren't supposed to be up there!"  and I let her stay, I made coffee, and came back up for my shower.  Later this morning I will go to work, and then instead of going about my normal Friday, where I would have lunch with my girlfriends before heading to get kids at school, I will come home, to check on Sadie.   It's been this way all week,  Those other things are a lot less important.  So while I will do my best to keep things as routine as possible for my kids, my routine will change. 

We've had Sadie since she was 8 weeks old.  Steve and I took the Friday before Memorial Day off, back in 2001, and we took a ride up to a breeder's farm to check her out, and talk about possibly adopting a dog from her.  We got there, walked around the facility, and stumbled upon a litter of pups in a supergate, so like a gated play yard.  They were the most beautiful little puppies, with their over sized paws, and their little brown noses.  One pup just gravitated to us, dark mahogany face, paws way too big for her tiny body, of course you know it was Sadie.  We lifted her out, and Steve held her.  I knew he wanted one of these dogs so bad, but we had just come to look, not take a dog home that day.  I had reminded him over and over while we were there!  I took her from him, held her like a baby, and I was in smitten!  I said, "we can get her if you want!"..He was like, "What!"  :)  Sadie was named after her "aunt" Sadie, that also lived on this farm.   I thought it was a great name for a dog.  We took Sadie home that day.  It was about an hour and a half drive.  We were heading right to Petco, to get some new pup supplies.  About 20 minutes before we reached our destination, I took over driving so that Steve could cuddle the pup.  We got to Petco, and Sadie was laying on Steve's chest before we got out of the car.  She looked up at him, and the next thing we knew, she had vomited ALL down the front of Steve!  If you knew Steve back in the day, you knew that he was the kind of guy who didn't do well with "getting dirty"..No sticky hands, no dirty clothes, no vomit!  HA!  He was like, "here take the dog!" and he shimmied out of his sweatshirt.  For me, it was hysterical, and it was also the moment I fell in Love with Sadie! :)   

I tell you all of this, because for me, Sadie is more than just my dog.  I know people understand who have pets, that your pet becomes more than just that.  She is like my child.  She has been here longer than most of my children.  I have raised her, taken care of her when she was sick.  I have given her all the love I could over the years.  Dealing with the fact that she is dying, is killing me inside.  I put on a brave face for my kids, even for Steve.   Maybe it's because it is so new, but I think about it all the time.  How I am going to deal with it, how will the kids be, how will Steve be?  When, where, how?   It's exhausting being helpless. I know that all I can do, is what I am doing.  I can  - love my family, love my dog, and deal with each day as it comes.  Pray for a good day, pray on a bad day.  Today, is a good day.  Sadie is here, comphy on the sofa, it's all I can ask for!  <3

It's a Sadie Sleepover!

<3<3<3

Sadie's "tummy wiffle"

Here is a picture of Sadie this afternoon, sporting her "Tummy wiffle" as the kids call it. They say her tummy feels like Sam's head after a summer haircut! :)

She made her way to the second floor today while I was at work, hence the old bathmats she is laying on, because we had moved her bed to the first floor living room! :)

Morning tummy rubs!

Morning thoughts!

Today was the second day that Sadie didn't come up to our bedroom to sleep all night. A week ago that meant nothing to me, today, it's a sign to me that she is definitely not herself. I went downstairs to make a quick cup of coffee, and found Sadie curled up in the corner, between the coffee table and the sofa. She barely lifted her head to greet me. We had a little talk, and then I went and warmed her breakfast a little to take the chill off. The minute I put it in her bowl, she was up and at it, ready to eat. A good sign for sure!

I wanted to let you know that I had a very big conversation with my young children yesterday afternoon. Shortly after Steve left for work, Samuel came to me and asked, "Mom, is Sadie going to die?" I was fully prepared for this, so I sat all three of them down, and explained to them that yes, Sadie was going to die, but we just aren't sure when. It could be a "long time" from now, it could be much sooner than that. Our job right now, as a family is to love her, keep her safe and happy until we have to deal with that. Of course there were many tears, and few questions. Grace said to me, "I wanted to ask you so bad if Sadie was going to die, but I was too afraid!"..I don't know if she was afraid of how I would react, or afraid of the answer. To end, after the conversation, Isabella said to Samuel and Grace, as they sat at the kitchen table, and made little "We love you Sadie!" posters, "We are really lucky that we get to still have Sadie!" So true, we are blessed to have these last days with Sadie. <3

Sadie

Most of you who know Sadie, know that she is the biggest ham sandwich going! She's loving, and caring, never the aggressor! Here are some pictures of her cuddled up with the kids, her favorite place to be! <3

Heartbroken....

Today was a very sad day for Steve and I. After a weekend full of Sadie being violently ill, a trip to the ER, we took Sadie to her vet today to have an abdominal ultrasound done, because the Radiologist had found a mass on her spleen. Sadie was such a good patient today, she had her entire abdomen shaved, and was lifted by Steve and Dave who works at the vet, without even batting an eye. So calm, and just accepting of the things yet to come. After several minutes of "ultra-sounding" and much to our horror, the Vet informed us there were several tumors on Sadie's spleen, which have also taken over her liver. Her kidney's are also dilated. Sadly, when tumors overtake the liver, there is nothing that can be done. No treatment, no surgery. We took Sadie home on a dose of pain medicine, some Pepcid to control any nausea, and a new diet plan. With orders to keep her comfortable, and happy, and we will know the signs of the bad days, (vomiting, diarrhea, lethargic, etc) - She can still have some good days left in her as well, as pain meds can work wonders, but in reality, we do not know how much longer she has. We are returning to the vet in one month, to re-measure the tumors and see how rapidly they are growing.

Our children are aware of Sadie's illness, they do know she is going to be sick forever, but we have not yet used the term "dying" with them. We will know this is coming, and will prep our kids when that time comes, so please do your best to be sensitive around them, our lives are going to be shook up enough, Steve and I would just like to be the one's to have the say, and deal with this ourselves when the time is right.

I am going to do my best to update this blog, and let you know how our beautiful dog is doing, along with share pictures of her, now, and through the years that we have had her.

Please, if you pray, pray for us, if you don't, please think good thoughts for us over the coming days, weeks, months...